You spent all that time carefully designing the perfect resume and cover letter. Those final drafts are flawless works of literary genius, possibly destined for the Library of Congress—shoo-in for the Pulitzer. It was hard work, but they’re ready and you send it off to potential employers… who spend about 30 seconds reading the single page that took you weeks to finish. Now comes the hard part. A stranger wants to talk to you, in person, real-time, no take backs. Sounds like its time to hit the bottle. Or you can read on, as your favorite YP4 intern leads you into his dark past of interviews gone wrong. I blank when they ask me my name, so you don’t have to.

Salon.com made me cry

My first interview ever was at the news site Salon.com. It was a dream job: political intern—I’d help with research, but also get to write my own articles and get a byline. I flew into NY the day before and sat down to do research. I read articles on the site, especially ones written by my interviewer. I wrote down ideas for articles and asked my fancy pants journalist cousin for advice. I was ready; I was going to blow them away.

I did not sleep a wink that night. I left my notes at home without reviewing them. The receptionist was mean. I was jittery, rattled, and slightly sweaty. I was shown in to see my interviewer… and he wasn’t there. He was home sick so I talked to him over speakerphone while another guy watched me semi-creepily, probably making sure I didn’t steal anything. When they asked me what topics I would write about I was tabula rasa. When they asked me what candidates interested me the most I hedged my bets. When they asked me if I wanted water I lied.

The interview lasted about 6 minutes and 12 seconds. But who’s counting.

Score card:
Preparation: B-
I prepared for questions and read the writing, but I didn’t do any practice interviews. A good idea is to apply to jobs you’re not as interested in so you can get some practice before you commit to the big jobs.

Honesty: D+
By hedging your bets when answering a question like “which candidates do you find the most interesting,” you really just seem like an ass who can’t commit. It usually takes my girlfriends about two months to figure that out; it was depressing when someone figured it out in the first five minutes of an interview. Seriously, the truth is best, but if you’re going to lie, lie with conviction—don’t waffle.

Centering: No credit
For god’s sake get some sleep.

On the Phone

Here’s a happier story—my phone interview with YP4. A lot of folks don’t like phone interviews, but I loved it. If you’re going to be doing a phone interview, take advantage of it. Here are some benefits:

• You can wear whatever you want. Don’t tell Rob and Fureigh (I don’t think they read this), but I was wearing basketball shorts and a jersey while we talked. On a related note, I went on to completely dominate my little brother one-on-one.

• Notes! Sweet Moses this is awesome. They want to know what you like about the organization. You’ve thought about it, but now you’re blanking. But oh man, you totally wrote down a few reminders on some scrap paper. Golden!

• Zits. Didn’t happen to me, (because I rub guano on my face before bed) but who wants to show up to an interview looking like pepperoni.

It Takes a Village

This one deserves a story and some shout outs. When I was wandering the wilderness of job searching, the first place I applied was as a spring research intern for Wayne Barrett at the Village Voice. They had just filled the position, so I figured that was a wash. Flash forward and I’m working at my awesome job at YP4, and the Voice calls me asking for an interview for a summer internship. I was, and continue to be, happy at YP4, but at the time thought I was only going to be here full time for the spring. I talked to Shaunna and Fureigh about it, who were so completely awesome that they encouraged me to go in for the interview. Warning! Your boss might have “views” about this kind of thing.

I tried something different this time. I relaxed. I wore nice pants and a kind of nice shirt but ditched the jacket. I read some articles by Barrett, who, by the way, is a mensch. I left early so I could take a nice leisurely walk down to the office, which gave me time to think about what I wanted to convey.

What was the result? I was able to joke and laugh at his jokes. I could improvise when he tested me about my city knowledge and was comfortable when he asked me harder questions. I was super happy with myself. All was redeemed from the Salon.com interview.

I didn’t get the job.
I had actually decided against taking it anyway, but the rejection e-mail was just as validating as an offer would have been:

Dan,
While Wayne was very impressed with your interview, the competition was tight this year and he's decided to go with other applicants. However, he did tell me to tell you to consider applying in the future.

Best,
xxxxx